Keep on running!

Was reading a really interesting article the other eve in one of my ‘women’s’ magazines. Actually, that is such a patronising way of describing them, as if women’s issues were somehow different/lesser to men’s in this context. As K tends to pilfer said magazines (and all men I know have always done) it’s clear that their advice is obviously sensible and useful for both sexes. Anyway, feminist rant over!!!

So anyway, the article was focussing on the subject of stress addiction, which I am inclined to believe could mean me. I’ve considered each of the indicators that suggest you are suffering from an addiction to adrenaline rushing stress and am dealing with them in turn. Today’s one is:

You perform your ‘to-do’ list with an unfocused mind, never fully present and always looking to the future, thinking about what’s next on your list.

This is quite, quite true. My to-do lists are reinvented on a regular basis, in the hope that a new one will suddenly inspire me to actually undertake all the things on there! It’s not so much the tasks that I can’t get interested in, as the constantly growing list which depresses me! No sooner have I completed one thing than my mind is already wandering to what needs doing next, either on the list or as a knock-on effect of doing the last task.

If someone thanks me for doing something, I’m always inclined to tell them what I didn’t do, than just accept the compliment. For example, if my colleague says ‘thanks for helping me with that – it’s so much faster when you upload things’ I reply ‘no problem, anytime. It’s nothing. That said, what I really ought to have done is install the software on your PC, but I’ve been very lax updating your machine and need to prioritise it with IT’ etc etc. So I am already talking about what I now need to do and what a failure I’ve been not to have done it yet rather than saying ‘yeah, job done. That should make your life easier’. I just can’t live in the ‘here and now’ and actually focus on what has been done. I also feel the need to constantly apologise for what I consider my failings, but what other people wouldn’t have even thought about.

Anyway, have a nice weekend to look forward to and a couple of ‘results’ from yesterday. Firstly, I got an email from my father which was totally out of the blue. I had sent him a birthday card on 1 June and heard nothing, so was starting to think that things were more dire between us than ever. However, he has obviously had time to think and with Father’s Day on Sunday had managed to compose a non-confrontational message; the first one since this whole sorry saga started that wasn’t having a dig at me. It was chatty and newsy and in my opinion, an olive branch. I felt elated and relieved that some progress had been made, albeit the first step in what I imagine will be a long, slow path to recovery. But it made K happy as he can see it makes me happy, so fingers crossed that my relations with them are set to improve. His relationship with them is not even up for offer, and I can totally understand that. It was killed stone dead last year, when my mother gave him a tirade down the phone which included the words leech and scum. However, he appreciates that they are my family, so even if our future relationship is only ever ‘passable’ and some things will never be reversed, it’s a start. Watch this space!!!
In addition, I went for my first run in months last night. I’d been wittering on that day to my colleague about not exercising and her response, which was more than fair, was to ‘just do it’ as Nike would say!!! So I did. I felt fantastic afterwards and still do today. It was the best thing I could have done and long may it last. Will update on my progress over the weekend on Monday as I am determined to get out for another run at some point and keep up the momentum.