Is the glass half full or half empty today? I'll let you decide!

I feel a long and winding rant coming on! It’s just that, well, life sucks, if I am honest. Remember my vow to be thankful every day and all that? Ha ha de ha ha. If only it was so damn simple, eh?

So what’s eating me today? Well, the fact that in general, the right people get shat on and the wrong people reign supreme. Like the government. Does anyone actually sanction them any more? Not only are the incumbents beyond contempt, but coming up behind them are a bunch of fascist, nazi-esque bastards in the guise of a nationalist party. I felt incensed this morning on my way to work (which was faultless in spite of those cocks in the media whipping us up into a frenzy about the tube strike) when I saw the photos of Nick Griffin being egged. Someone please, please explain to me how THAT got elected?

Aside from my total disillusionment with the whole democratic system, is the realisation that the economy is truly fucked. I have some amazing and inspirational friends who are currently working their arses off to keep themselves in jobs, working for companies that have been dumped on since the crunch started. Those that led to the current state of affairs, the investment bankers in the true cockney rhyming slang sense of the word, seem to have seen off the worst of it and are settling back into normality. All the talk of redundancies and institutions collapsing is pure hype. What we are seeing, however, are bankers getting picky again, not moving firms unless they have to, going through to the final hurdle in the job search then pulling out. All the talk of homes being repossessed and the big boys losing fortunes is utter bollocks. I have a ringside seat and it just isn’t like that.

However, all the boys and girls in recruitment are definitely suffering, as they lead us a merry dance with possible vacancies that never come to fruition. Suffice to say I am starting to wonder whether my company can pull itself out of the depression. Things are looking bleaker by the week. We are still staggering on but, unless recovery comes sooner rather than later, reality will bite soon. I am sitting pretty and planning to roll with it, as I have rolled with it so often before. I’ve made it through by staying stoic in the past and won’t be panicking this time around neither.

That said, I have concluded that if the worst comes to the worst, I won’t just jump into any old job to pay the bills. I have finished with the office management malarkey and am thinking more about me now, and what I want out of life. Fact is, no-one else is going to do that for me. You can slog your guts out for someone and be as loyal as you like, but as the old saying goes, you aren’t going to get to the pearly gates and say ‘dammit, I wish I’d spent more time in the office’. I used to be such a diligent, conscientious and faithful employee (I even followed a boss from one sacking to the next!) but have since woken up and smelt the coffee. I get just reward for a job done well and that’s all that matters now. Overtime, breaking my back for people and going the extra mile, only to be rewarded with redundancy, strikes me as a fairly raw deal.

K is also going through the same ‘washing machine cycle’. It’s no easier for his firm than it is for mine. We are both sticking at it as the truth is, we need to milk this town for all it’s worth then get the fuck outta here. We both have an ache to escape to the countryside, having ‘done’ London many times over (and in every conceivable position – fnar fnar). I suppose it comes as no surprise really, that have given up hedonistic and indulgent partying, for a clean and healthy teetotal life, I am now wanting out.

The knock-on effect of going dry is that I have not only evaluated my drinking lifestyle, but also the one that is peripheral to it. I suppose it’s fair to say that abstaining from alcohol makes you see things very differently. If nights out getting hammered are no longer a priority, London starts to lose its shine. K and I have been making a special effort this year to go to concerts, lectures, galleries, plays and top restaurants to get the most out of London whilst we are still here. As rewarding and pleasant as that is, I am sure even that will be exhausted within the next few years, hence the need to consider what sort of downshift we both want. Now there’s a question that I really need to answer, but it won’t be done today. I was out with my friend G last night in Greenwich until quite late, so it’s an early finish for me today and home to my beloved.

NB: two of my colleagues came in today, each with a raging hangover from a massive night out which had ended at 2.30am. If ever I needed proof that I don’t miss that feeling and my pizza and water with G was in fact quite rock and roll, then that was it! Bless ‘em. They have done incredibly well to still be here (at 5.30, though they both had late starts) but I am in no way jealous. They told me about all the drunken conversations they had and showed me the many baaaad photos they had taken and I realised that none of what they remembered would matter in years to come. The slimy old man at the next door table or the randoms they picked up didn’t enhance their lives in any way. They drank for free thanks to the generosity of their assembled company, so the financial hit wasn’t huge, but I can’t think of what they actually got out of the night other than a lot of squirming today, a lot of drunken conversation and some half remembered moments. Interesting…