Progress - of sorts!

Yay – Friday is finally here and the weather is absolutely glorious, hence my mood is much-improved too! Am feeling very upbeat as the week draws to a close, having been pretty fagged off for quite a bit of it.
I discussed my challenge with K last night, ahead of the weekend, so that he wasn’t alarmed at my not drinking. He was very cool and supportive about it, but reminded me that he ought to point out to his family that I am not part of his ‘club’ (i.e. AA) and therefore my choice not to drink is of my own volition. Bless him.

We touched a bit on how the blog was helping me address all my head stuff, whilst I abstained, which was probably the first time I’d really reviewed my ‘plan of action’. I also confessed to having become addicted to drinking memoirs, as a way to remind me that a) I am not alone and b) it could have been much, much worse! Above all, the therapy I get from writing stuff down has definitely helped me stick to my vows and I couldn’t imagine doing it without this now. No matter how ‘sorted’ I sometimes feel, I am only too aware that ‘there but for the grace of God go I’. Putting pen to paper (or should that be ink to printer) each day, is the best way of consolidating and addressing all my conflicting thoughts and feelings.

K was at the hospital today for a barrage of tests. It’s all linked to his thyroid, which has been getting him down of late, the frequency of his bad eye days having increased dramatically, and the pain from his eyes has at times been quite unbearable. I am hoping that there will be some positive news after it all, maybe some tweaking of his medication, as we are due a bloody break right now! We had a very tough 2008 and so far, 2009 has been a struggle with the light recently starting to appear at the end of the tunnel for a lot of stuff. With a bit of luck I am hoping that the next 6 months or so will be a smoother ride than of late and we will have a good run up to our wedding in December.

Talking of which, in my desire to stop procrastinating, I’ve been busy doing research and am now ready to start booking the main parts of my wedding. I have planned that in for next week, the challenge being to have it all done and dusted by end of June, with the exception of my dress which I won’t think about until the end of the summer. I am hoping that by then I will feel comfortable enough in my own skin to start looking and trying on, so am not rushing this element. I’d like the rest to be done, purely so that I don’t miss out on good deals and the dates I want.

It’s funny how Friday eves have got easier as the weeks have gone by. Friday was a real obstacle for me as I had become ritualistic about it being the start of the weekend and therefore the best excuse ever to crack open the wine. The first few weeks were hard as I had to change a long-standing habit of buying a bottle and a ready meal at M&S and either sharing (the food element) with K, or hibernating alone whenever he was out/away. Going home without my goodies and settling down for a quiet eve was made easier by the fact that we have been meeting on the South Bank on a Friday and wandering back together, sometimes stopping for a bite to eat. It took a change of routine and something to occupy my mind instead, to stop me falling back on bad/old ways. It sounds so simple and the action is in fact, nothing major. Having the gumption to do it the first week, then carrying on is the hardest part and I am no longer obsessing about what I am NOT having and am instead thinking about all the lovely stuff I am doing instead. K will be at home already tonight as he was back at the hospital this afternoon rather than the office, so I need to head back alone come the end of the day. I shall pick up some nice food, maybe some more herbs for K’s new garden project (well for garden read kitchen windowsill) and wander home via London Bridge. So much more healthy and rewarding than guzzling down a vat of rose and gorging on a fat-boy curry!!!