Out of my bloody way!

Was in a shocking mood this morning. Woke up feeling fine, no complaints, yet by the time my other half had left (or should that be fled!) I was in a foul temper. No reason – tea brought to me in bed, nice long lie, yet if looks could kill, there would be tourists’ bodies lying all over Central London right now! I stomped into work and through St James’s Park at lunchtime (hideous place full of French schoolchildren and coach parties of geriatric Italians), then on to House of Fraser to exchange my pyjamas. I must have had a very effective ‘don’t even go there’ face on me, as even the girls in the beauty hall stepped out of my way!

So the lovely (yet pygmy-sized) pyjamas are now a black and cream nightie and dressing gown. All attempts by K to bring a bit of colour into my wardrobe have been in vain. That said, I bought a coloured dress the other week, so maybe it was simply a case of too much too soon. Yellow and pink were perhaps a tad too far for me and my Morticia Adams look. I actually liked them but, sadly, the store I visited didn’t have a bigger size and so I couldn’t help but take a look at the other stuff that just happened to be black – ha ha ha!

By the time I got back and had lunch I felt much better. But I can’t remember the last time that my wrong time of the month was so blatantly accompanied by mood swings. It may well be that my much reduced intake of sugar is dropping my testosterone levels (as a PCOS sufferer, these are high if I don’t watch the sugar in my diet) and normal service has therefore resumed, making me just a very average premenstrual woman – ha ha, and scary with it.

Weekend was incredibly relaxing – though I did do lots of house work which I find strangely therapeutic. Here’s how I think it works: a mindless activity which still demands concentration i.e. on what to clean, what products I need, what to do next etc and as such, I get to ‘rinse my head out’ as I put it, for a few hours. K disappeared to Camden for the best part of the day (on my instruction as I like to be alone for a cleaning frenzy!) leaving me with free reign to work my way through the house. The result and the process are equally therapeutic, as there is nothing I like more than an orderly home and an orderly mind. What I need to do now and what I haven’t managed before is the daily maintenance to stop it getting filthy again. I am as ‘all or nothing’ about housework as I am about food and wine, so let’s see if I can manage yet another attempt at moderation.

So did I miss the booze this weekend? Yes and no. Friday we bumped into friends on the Southbank and whilst we stopped to chat, was more than happy to not join them for a drink as I had no inclination. On Saturday we changed our minds about going to a concert in the eve and had a lovely quiet night in and so still no temptation. Sunday, after a whole day of hard work and cooking the dinner, I got a pang. A pang of how nice a glass of wine would be but then straight away I went through a mental checklist: would I, could I, should I, I am calling it!
- Would it taste nice and make me feel good? Answer: probably yes
- Could you stop at just one glass? Answer: probably no
- Should you be drinking on a school night anyway (as tomorrow would be Monday). Answer: no
Sorted! Every time I have a longing, I run through the above and so far so good.

Have decided to make my resolutions weekly rather than daily so today I am:
- Vowing to run at the weekends again. I went on Sunday and remembered just what a boost it gives me;
- Giving up cake in the week. Tis a weekend treat only, now. Chocolate's still OK though - ha ha!

As for thanks, I am also restricting that to once a week, for fear of repetitiveness! This week, therefore, I am:
- Thankful for my aunt, who lifted my spirits at the weekend and reminded me that even if my mum and dad insist on behaving dreadfully, she will always be there for me and has agreed to be at my wedding;
- So glad that I have my job. It has its ups and downs but my colleagues are pretty decent folk all told and it keeps me sane whilst paying me well;
- Thankful that I am losing even more weight. More about that tomorrow!!!!