Wake up and smell the...roses

My senses are coming back. It's a small thing, really but tastes and even texture are all the more clear now that I am not drinking and, as a result, not smoking. I was a classic 'social smoker' and a relatively late starter in fact. I began when I was about 22 and living in France, having been utterly uninterested in the habit before that. At first I was very light and remember having one fag a day at 1.30 to break up my revising during my finals, and being quite happy to stick to one. Boyfriends subsequently influenced the amount that I smoked and I have been on and off the fags ever since, depending on who I was seeing. Lately I found the wine/cigarette association had become very strong and knew the only way to break the nicotine fix was to end the drinking. I never crave cigarettes sober, so am sure that if nothing else comes of my abstinence, it will at least help me break this highly unpleasant habit.

I spent time with my acupuncturist last night discussing my 'gluttony gene' as I like to call it. I have become all the more aware of late that I can not do things in moderation. Everything I see I size up in terms of is it 'the largest, most satisifying, most indulgent'; be it a bottle of wine or a piece of cake. I bolt my food and glug my vino like it's going out of fashion and have a fear of finishing something and remaining unsated. It's quite revelatory when you start to consider how this affects your life and what you can do about it. I am now pondering this as a hurdle to overcome as part of my abstinence. Not only do I need to give up drink for a period of time but, if I do drink again, I have to understand the principles of enough. Boy do I still have a long, long way to travel on that path!!

Anyway, all the same, am happy. Very. Came home to a surprise bunch of flowers from K. Nothing makes me warm inside quite like some flowers for no other reason than being me, so he said. Love him.