Moving on...

It’s been ‘one of those’ days. The sort I would have fallen back on happily as a good excuse to have a drink this eve. Put simply, work’s been a shag, today. A real stress and one which I would have let grind me down were it not for the knowledge now that I can’t. It’s interesting how your mind works to fool you that you are stressed and need a drink when what you actually are is on edge and need to relax.

K’s eyes (he suffers from ongoing problems down to his illness) have been a nightmare too this week and he’s been battling with the NHS and local docs to get something sorted today. Meanwhile, an ex-colleague has been hacking into my email account in order to extract business development information and was found out last night. There has been the usual round of discussions and anxiety you would associate with such a thing, especially as he had also found a way to hack into one of the partner’s accounts. I felt totally violated as he would have had access to all my mails, personal as well as business. It's like having someone rifle through your underwear drawer and makes you realise how utterly immoral many people actually are. Just the sort of day when I would stop by an off licence on the way home, and make the requisite purchase of their finest wine.

Not today. I have been seeking out support and using other blogs to inspire me. If some other half-wit (no offence to the bloggers out there) can manage a year of sobriety, then so can I.
One guy I found last week has since ended his year and gone back to drinking, but his blog from 2007 was excellent all the same. I liked his language and style and the fact that he was funny, something I have spectacularly failed to be so far.

Tis not like me, as I try to inject some humour into most things but I’ve just noticed that this blog has been pretty heavy and wearisome for anyone reading it up to now. Maybe that’s where I am going wrong; treating this like a bad thing rather than a good one. I've decided that the best way forward from now on, is to alter my mindset with regard to the challenge and view the changes to my lifestyle as positive and good, rather than a chore.

I also bought a book recommended by this blogger called ‘Beat the Booze’. Typical of me, that. Every time I aim to do something (take up marathon running, climb the 3 peaks, eat healthily blah blah blah), I buy a book first to spur me on. It’s like I haven’t started until I have the cover of a glossy tome to stroke and the freshly printed paper to inhale!!! That said, my hit rate is pretty good. I completed both a marathon and the 3 peaks and have often spent months following absurdly healthy diets. What lets me down is not the achieving or completing of the task, but the continuation. When I stop, I stop completely (see previous entry on gluttony gene) so I have yet to master the art of not only moderating what I do bad, but also what I do good. I can only ever be a total devil or a complete angel and therefore swerve violently between the two. Hmmm. Food for thought (and in my case, the bigger the portion the better, eh?!).