Knock me down with a feather!

Lots of developments in my world, right now. After months of no progress, everything seems to be charging in a forward direction at once. In fact, am finding the speed at which things are moving quite frightening.

Just a week ago the family situation was at its lowest point and looked practically unsalvageable. Work was slow but nothing was being said and K’s dad was appearing to improve and almost looked to be on the mend, albeit temporarily. However, today it is an altogether vastly different scenario.

Workwise I have moved from possibly job-seeking to actively! It’s that gut feeling you get when a tide has turned and you are ready to move on mentally. We are moving offices this week so I’ve been doing my best snake impression scrabbling around floors undoing PCs and cleaning out cupboards with renewed zeal! Once we are newly housed in the basement, I am free to go whenever I am ready. My favourite search consultant is away this week but back next and ready to apply herself fully to my search. My bosses best friend who is also searching for me has so far been active enough to send me a job description or two, so I am busy planning interview outfits and considering the questions I am likely to get. Something like ‘so Ms McLeish, having worked for 8 companies in 12 years do you think your truly deserve the moniker of the Black Widow?’ How right one of my Telegraph bosses truly was, eh?

On another note things took a dramatic and massively positive swing upwards on the family front last night, much of which I can truly and honestly attribute to my sobriety. For the first time I can see how my decision to give up the drink has altered how my nearest and dearest perceive me – for better and for worse.

The upshot is that my father sent yet another threatening email to me yesterday evening at 6.30 with all sorts of mumbo jumbo about getting his money back and me resenting them etc. It was just so aggressive and repetitive that I forwarded the whole thing to my brother and said so much for trying to solve things, he’s really not prepared to listen. On my way home my brother emailed that he was livid with my dad and had just called him to say so and had really lost it with him. My bro had chosen to say nothing about us speaking later this week as he didn’t want to lose my trust. My father’s additional email had enraged him (having told dad he was sending me a message himself and to leave it for now) and he said we could discuss this more later this week. I was really surprised. The fact that my brother is finally seeing the truth of what they send me has been an eye opener for him. I know I have clung to possible developments before but this time, given my brother has no need to intervene unless he really does want it solved, I am quietly optimistic.

Anyway, his change of heart has been attributed to something in my last email, which is when I finally mentioned to my parents that their drunken ramblings and slanging matches couldn’t continue. My brother apparently found that the paragraph on that subject resonated with him. Am sure it has had the complete opposite effect on my parents, serving only to make them angrier, but my brother has definitely seen the positives.

By sheer coincidence, as I came through the door last night, my aunt called – firstly to explain that she was truly sorry that they couldn’t make the wedding and when she asked about stuff I just spilled my guts. She was shocked and stunned and incredibly supportive. Up until now I have done everything possible not to discuss it with her as I knew it put her in a tricky position. However, she had been totally unaware that my mother had been being so incredibly vile and was in full agreement that her behaviour in general over the years has been worryingly destructive. It was like opening the floodgates and we spoke for nearly 40 minutes. She was very pleased about my brother’s approach and we discussed all sorts, from the arguments she’d witnessed to the things she hadn’t. I explained that I had given up drinking as I had no desire to end up like my mother and she too, like my brother, was pleased. Both have not suggested before that I did, but both are equally pleased that I have. So I think, folks, that says it all. As the sober one I am the rational, credible one. Pitted against my mothers insane, vicious and drunken rants, I can only be more easily supported by other family members. I can thank the fact that I’ve started my 3rd month of total sobriety for some easing of the family feud. Hallelujah!

Anyhoo, have some cupboards to empty (ooh, the glamour of it) so more tomorrow if I can find the time. Let’s just say that I am more at ease now than I have been in a long, long time. And still dry to boot. Yay!!!!