Like a bad penny...

So, to the parents. I’d had a fairly long silence from them, as we’d stop trading emails and insults around July last year. That was when my dad last stopped trying to lure me in so they could have another go and I made peace at last with my brother. We met up and, apart from a small blip in December when my brother tried mending the rift using my aunt in Scotland, relations between us were at least on a good footing. In March he contacted me to tell me that he’d met someone new (H) and that he’d be bringing her to London, so we arranged to meet so that I could introduce him to K for the first time as well.

The meeting in April went well. All four of us met for a quick drink on the Friday eve and spent about 2 hours together. H is a lovely girl, though not necessarily what I was expecting from my bro. She was very open, friendly and sweet-natured and on the whole I thought they seemed like a good match. However, in all honesty I can not deny that she would be a prime example of someone who would get the ‘stamp of approval’ from my parents, which concerns me slightly as I hope my brother is making his choices from the heart rather than the head.

The interesting aspect to his new love interest is that a) he met her on the internet, b) she has rented her place out and moved in with my bro within just a few short months and c) she is no supermodel. Ouch, you may say and in no way, shape or form am I casting aspersions on her. It’s the hypocrisy from my mother which really winds me up. Kenny was dismissed as a waste of space because a) we met on the internet (acc. my mum you only get losers and scum on those sites); b) he moved in with me (albeit 18 months after we met) which is the point at which they suddenly started mentioning rent on their ‘investment’ and c) he is no pin-up (in their eyes not mine I may add!). Well, my mother didn’t use those terms – the actual words she used won’t be repeated – but there you have it. This is them every time; one rule for my brother, another for me. He gets the benefit of the doubt over his choices, mine are rubbished before they even get off the ground. And it hurts. I can honestly say that after years of being laughed at, jeered, mocked and criticised by my family, I can’t ignore the imbalance any more.

Anyway, back to the saga! On my birthday I received a card which simply said ‘Thinking of you on your birthday, love mum’. Not dad, just mum. I’d been here before with texts from her that I responded to amicably, only to start off another diatribe. I wasn’t about to reply and have my birthday ruined so I left it. It was on my mind but I needed time to digest. A fortnight later I got an email from my dad, inviting me to his 65th birthday party. This, I know through my brother and aunt, was planned months ago. I was also told in the email that an auntie (well more a friend of theirs) was ill with cancer. I responded that I couldn’t make it, particularly as Kenny wasn’t included and they hadn’t given a thought to how we would make things up in 2 short weeks, and that whilst I was sorry about my ‘aunt’ I was busy on that date and hadn’t expected an invite. The response was to attack Kenny again and then my mother unleashed one of her letters which finished off eulogising about how perfect a future daughter in law H was and how they washed their hands of me (yet again!).

So it’s back to square one again. Total stand off until they want to ‘save face’ once more. That, basically, was the background to the invite. Everyone there but me and they wanted it all patched up in time so they didn’t have to face the embarrassment and explain to people. They have no desire to resolve the issues and that’s where we will always differ. They have one goal (for me and Kenny to break up) and unless they achieve that they will not compromise. Sad but true. Realising that your parents love you conditionally is pretty hard to swallow.